This afternoon I'm going for a session of confidence coaching.
Don't laugh! Honestly, behind this random exterior I'm not very confident.
I used to be, a long time ago, but life and motherhood has knocked it out of me. So a good friend, who is a professional confidence coach and specialises in working with women, is giving me a taster of what she can do whilst trying out some new techniques and exercises she's recently learnt.
I'm actually very excited about finding out what's inside me (apart from two bits of cake and four cups of tea)!
There's a lot talked about journey's, especially in the popular media. You can't switch on ITV without someone in tears talking about their journey, usually from everyday life straight into instant fame and back to obscurity again but not before they're gone via "I'm a Celebrity (no you're not) Get Me Out of Here" as one last ditch attempt at getting back into the public eye!
Motherhood is a proper journey, not a Simon Cowell singing contest, but it's sometimes a lonely one. Don't get me wrong you all know I love being at home with the boy but on rainy days when you're stuck indoors and all your friends are at work, with nothing but a 1 year old and CBeebies for company you can do one of two things, either go out of your mind or start to retreat back into yourself and lose the will to go out and do things for you. You don't bother putting on make up, you wear clothes but they don't match they'll just "do", after all they're only going to get dirty anyway, it's lunchtime before you realise you haven't cleaned your teeth. It's a downward spiral of "as long as the boy is clean, happy, fed and in co-ordinating clothes with matching socks" it doesn't matter about me.
But it does!
As the boy gets older I'm noticing he is much more aware of my moods. If I'm down or cry he looks worried and concerned. If I laugh, he laughs. We can't underestimate the effect a mother has on her child. If he grows up to see a Mum who isn't confident, who doesn't care about her appearance, who forgets to eat then stuffs herself with cake because it's past lunchtime now and she's starving but only has two minutes then he'll grow up not appreciating a women's worth to society, to family and mostly to herself.
So I'm doing something about it.
And you know, just making that decision has given me more confidence already. So much so I've got lipstick on!
The session is at 3pm today. I'll keep you posted......