I'm supposed to go back to work this Wednesday.
I don't want too!
I don't suppose many new mothers do? or so I thought but when I spoke to the NCT girls who have gone back to their jobs many of them were relishing their new found freedom even if it was only for a couple of days a week.
Of course these ladies are doing something they love. Something they even actively missed whilst on maternity leave.
For fans of "Friends" (and you have probably gathered by now I am a huge fan of the show - hence the homage to it with my blog titles) I am Chandler Bing. Well at least I have his job. The one no one really knows what it's called or what he does. I'm a (as Rachel calls it) Transpond Transpondser! And not only is that "not even a word" it's barely even a job!
I want to be a writer (some would say I am as I'm writing this now but I mean a paid writer) but as work and real life looms I'm afraid tiredness will take over and once again I will be swallowed up in what society expects instead of doing what I really want to do.
I tried handing my notice in two weeks ago but chickened out and said "I'd give it a go". I know I'm kidding myself but it's the responsible thing to do. I'm like that you see. For all my bluff and bluster I'm deep down responsible and although we could just about manage it would be a big burden on hubby.
My Mum's generation didn't have this dilemma. They gave up work to get married for pete's sake let alone to take care of the children. It didn't occur to them that hubby had the financial burden. It was just the lie of the land. It was what happened.
But when the feminists of the 70's decided that women wanted it all I think they forgot to ask us if we really did! Or indeed if all of us did! They assumed that having it all was aspired too but instead it's just exhausting! Especially if by having it all you are looking after the house and the baby, doing a job you have no interest in to earn money but in the mean time trying to forge a career in what you love in your, laughingly called, spare time!
You know what amazes me is that my lack of enthusiasm doesn't stem from wanting to leave the boy. Of course I don't want to leave him. That goes without saying really! But he will be with his Nanny P for the two days and undoubtedly will have a ball!
No this one isn't just about being a Mum. This one is about being a 40 year old woman!
And they do say life begins at 40!
However I'm 41 in April..
So maybe I'd better hurry up and get living.......