I need to shift some weight!
And by some I mean a lot. The awful realisation hit me recently when I saw pictures of myself on our recent weekend away to Devon to visit family - on which, by the way, the boy was a star and my fears of treacherous long car journeys were to the most part unfounded. Obviously The Wheels On The Bus had to be employed as did copious amounts of apple rice cakes but all in all we all survived it.
Anyway these pictures. Sis in law 2 (hubby has three sisters - maybe I should change his blog name to Chekhov? - so for the purposes of blog identity I rank them according to birth) lives on a farm and with Spring upon us the lambs were out and gambolling in the field, that's running playfully not playing poker! I had my picture taken feeding them and holding one along with the boy who fell instantly in love with the "ba, ba's" and stroked and fed them too.
On the resulting photograph I am huge and not sure if the poor lamb looks startled because of my novice farming skills or because it was frightened I was going to eat it!
I can no longer hide behind baby weight or the excuse of "I've just had a baby". I haven't "just had a baby", he's nearly 15 months old.
The awful truth is that I probably have shifted any excess baby weight but what I am carrying is the overweight body I had before I fell pregnant, and some more!
A combination of body loathing, tiredness and rounds of visiting friends and family have given me opportunity and craving for sweet things. And savoury things. Good things. And bad things. As I explained to my doctor it's not that I don't like my fruit and veg. I love fruit and veg! I love all food, that's my problem. I'll eat anything.
So on Saturday night I went out for dinner with one of the boys fairy godmothers. She has in recent years slimmed down to gorgeous proportions. She has done this through watching what she eats and getting off her fabulous butt and dancing, walking and doing yoga to achieve her shape. She's not used Weight Watchers or Slimming World or any of the other options out there but just done it herself.
She still enjoys a glass of wine or a G&T and she still enjoys chocolate. Just in moderation!
Therefore we skipped dessert at the restaurant and walked home via little Tesco's to buy us and our hubbies something sweet to take home.
I got us both a Twirl. I was full and didn't need it but I did it anyway. I totally lack discipline.
I have in the past lost three stone using Weight Watchers and found the structure of it really useful. It's just this time I've become so used to my treats and biscuits with a cuppa when the boy has a sleep and finishing off the boys tea now he has what we eat and.... oh god I can see how this has happened!
I looked at my friend. She was having a dark chocolate Kit Kat. She looks great. This can be done. I can do it.
I bought a Weight Watchers magazine with my chocolate.
The irony was not lost on me or the late night assistant in the store.
I can do it I told myself as I tucked my goodies in my handbag and folded the magazine under my arm.
Just not on my own.....