Trips to the supermarket are always rich sources of amusement for the blog.
Maybe that's why I still take my life in my hands twice a week and push a toddler in a trolley round a bright, noisy, over stimulating shop full of things he wants to hold, shake, break or chew.
Lemon Cake Lady has long since given up this ritual and has a man deliver her shopping to her front door like Margot ordering Christmas in The Good Life! Granted some of the delivery guys look like serial killers and scare the bejesus out of her but it's still preferable to dragging a two year old round to do your weekly shop. So she doesn't understand why I don't do the same.
After yesterday I'm inclined to agree with her!
The boy normally enjoys a "trolley adventure" and, maybe more by luck than judgement, has always been as good as gold before. That's not to say he was awful this time. I've seen and heard a lot worse. But he was "out of sorts"!
To be fair we all are. Hubby is away in Hong Kong on holiday. This makes us sound like global jet setters. Oh my husband has just popped over to Hong Kong to see friends. In reality he's gone to a close friends wedding and thought long and hard about the expense and time away from his family before he committed to going. I think he worried most about missing the cat personally but it's the thought that counts!
Unfortunately this trip of a lifetime has coincided with me having a throat and chest infection with a large dollop of cold and sinus pain heaped on top. The boy has caught my cold and now so has Nanny P.
After a weekend stuck in doors constantly "wiping" Monday morning came and I felt the need for a drive out.
Wild and crazy as I am we went o Asda! Cor I know how to live on the edge! Even if it's only the edge of town.
Asda may be the other side of town but I am now officially addicted to their Orange, Pineapple and Coconut juice because it tastes like you're drinking Malibu in the morning, and the pseudo naughtiness of that gets me through the day. When a grisly toddler is flicking yogurt at you at 7.30 in the morning, to quote a rival supermarket, every little helps!
Like a good and organised Mummy I'd taken juice and snacks to placate the boy during the ride round the store.
But once I'd finally coaxed him into the trolley he ate them in a bout three seconds flat!
The boy started to scream. Loudly. He lunged for my bag where the empty snack pots were now stashed.
"Mummy doesn't have anything else babe" I tried to say calmly "You've eaten them all up"
Proper toddler tantrum meltdown down the baby aisle in Asda.
Right! What do I do now?
So did I do what all the guides, books and websites tell you to do and kindly but firmly tell the toddler that the food had "all gone" and distract him with songs, games and descriptions of exotic, organic fruits and vegetables?
Did I hell! I grabbed a packet of sweetcorn rings snacks off the shelf, opened them and let the boy devour the lot the rest of the way round.
Face was filled. Coat was covered in crumbs. Peace was restored!
Watching the empty packet drift it's way along the conveyor belt towards the assistant at the till I felt a sense of solidarity with my fellow mothers. I'd finally done what I swore I'd never do and it felt good.
Unlike the snotty lady in Tescos who moaned about the empty toy packet the other month the chap serving me in Asda was charm itself.
"Oh this isn't the first time I've had to do this" he smiled "And I'm sure it won't be the last"
"Oh that's good to know" I said relieved "It's hard for them to understand at this age and they just can't wait" I sighed as I stacked the bags in the trolley and picked up the pet insurance leaflet the boy was playing with for the umpteenth time.
"Oh it's not the kids that are the problem" the guy said "It's the adults. I had a bloke in here the other day who'd got BBQ ribs from the deli counter and ate them on the way round the shop!"
He went on to tell me he'd been presented with a sticky, yet very empty carton to scan through the till.
I knew they tolerated children doing it but adults! Don't people have any restraint?
Clearly not. And if that's the case I really had better start ordering my shopping online or the next time the boy loses it I'll let him rip open a multi pack of Pom Bears and you'll find me swigging straight from my carton of juice.
Only this time it will be laced with real Malibu!